Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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