i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drake has all the answers
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
