she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
