can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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