I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
