69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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