I wanna bring you to show and tell
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
