I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
