I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's the barista slut.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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