sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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