What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
