I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
