just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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