bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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