Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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