He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
