I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize