I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
