Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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