Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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