It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
