i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
