Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I won the penis lottery.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize