What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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