I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
