I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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