Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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