Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
