my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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