I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
