at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
