At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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