We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
