Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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