Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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