ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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