i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
