Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
