nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
