just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
