He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
