I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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