Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You may now shotgun with the bride
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
