something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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