And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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