the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
