so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
