My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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