I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is Oprah even human
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
