So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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