these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
