I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All the doctor said was why
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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