I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
