You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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