I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
