I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
