this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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