we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
