i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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