If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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